And If It Isn’t Love…Why Do I Feel This Way…Why Does She Stay On My Mind…You Know the Song!


Okay, so for the last couple of days while listening to the radio while traveling to and from work, I have been bombarded with talk of celebrities and the people who stalk them. I think that there are very few things as scary as someone who completely puts all of their faculties aside and acts out because of an obsession that they’ve developed for someone else. Supposedly Tyler Perry, Tyra Banks, and a host of others are experiencing problems with crazed fans. There’s apparently a young lady who has been stalking LA Lakers’ basketball player, Derek Fischer, who has become so delusional that she actually has legally changed her last name to Fischer and believes that he is her man despite the wife and kids that he currently has. That got me to thinking about how powerful love or the confusion of love with obsession can be.

We all know how “being in love” with someone makes you feel. In the beginning it is euphoric; it’s ethereal and the elation that one feels when they’ve met someone that rings their bell is seldom matched by that of any other experience in life. Love can keep you up at night thinking of the other person, imagining what that person might be doing or might be thinking. Love can make you picture what life would be like if you had that person for a lifetime. Love can make you do things that you’ve never considered doing before, try new things that you had been skeptical of in the past. Love can bring excitement into a life that was mundane and drab before love existed. Yet, is what we speak of actually love or is it something different entirely?

The love that exists in these scenarios is the same love that will cause you to ignore warning signs that if you’d pay closer attention to would tell you that this man, this woman, is not really who they are purporting themselves to be. It is the same love that causes you to believe that this man, this woman, is far more into you than he or she really is. This love will cause you to ignore blatant realities like the fact that this man or this woman has no job and is mooching off of you and replace them with convenient and flowery untruths like he or she is going through a hard patch and really needs someone to be supportive. Love will cause you to believe that though your partner has a history of infidelity in past relationships, that you can love him or her in a way that will cause him or her to be different with you.

Don’t get me wrong. I am a hopeless romantic and am one of those people who are in love with being in love. However, I am saying that what we call love really is not love at all. The butterflies and warm fuzzy feelings are great, but it’s the stuff that kicks in when those things start to dissipate that are really the true feelings of love. This love that seems to be so common in today’s society makes one ignore the truth and create truths and realities for oneself that really do not exist.

Many of us would sneer at the idea of ourselves stooping so low that we’d stalk someone but I’d bet that even you’ve imagined yourself as Mr. or Mrs. ___________ at one point or another. You may never get as far as stalking someone but understand that the love that consumes your thoughts and has you imagining things that don’t currently exist is the beginning of the decline often. It’s not love at all; it’s obsession, infatuation at best.

Don’t fall in love; if you fall, someone’s bound to get hurt. Choose to walk in love instead, with someone who is also walking with you. And, if you aren’t sure what love is, there is a definition that’s never let me down: Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I guess what I’m saying is that matters of the heart are serious, and if you allow them to, they will completely sweep you away. When you choose to love someone, use your eyes, your mind, then your heart. Be careful and guard yourselves because we can joke around about how people are just crazy but if you aren’t careful, you may be the one “driving yourself crazy like the astronaut lady.” Diapers? Word.



Finally It Has Happened to Me, Right In Front of My Face and…


So, I’m finally blogging.

I’ve had some things on my mind lately that I haven’t been able to shake. The kind of things that interrupt sleep and disquiet the soul, things I ponder to no avail and still fail to understand.

Have you ever wanted something so badly that it hurt? Have you put in the work required to see the end you desire? Have you ever envisioned something so long that thing becomes reality for you? Has a reality you carefully constructed come crashing down unexpectedly, shattering to pieces to exist no more forever?

I’ve swallowed some hard pills this year. I’ve taken some L’s. I’ve suffered some losses that have shaken me to the core. And I’ve got this complex yo, one that says that I can fix things when they aren’t right. I’ve believed that if you work hard enough toward anything, that you can have whatever it is you’re seeking. But I learned this year, in a painful way, that there are some things, despite of how hard you’ve worked for them, you just can’t have. I’ve learned that you can pull up your sleeves and go to work but there are times when you just can’t right the wrongs. I’ve learned that people generally get what they deserve but that in this life you will endure some things you simply Do Not deserve.

But here is what I will say. I’m learning that there are things that I cannot change, things I cannot fix. I’m learning also that there are some things I can. I’m learning that if I’m patient and if I’m still, God shows me the difference between the two.

Pain creates opportunity for growth and if you allow it, the chance to restructure your life into something beautiful. Take that chance every time it presents itself. I loved a man once with the fierceness and tenacity of a bona fide woman and he showed me who he was and broke my heart. But I can say to him now, you broke me…but I’m healing. I can say, you took from me without giving in return but what you took I’m rebuilding. I can say that I’m wiser now because of what you did and that I’m a better me without you than I was with you.

Now, I celebrate myself and sing my own song. I wait for no one to sing of my worth. I’m living my life and I’m excited about the possibilities it holds. I’m laughing again and having fun again. I’m learning that we’re in a recession and that there a few good men looking for work and that there is no need to try to retain one who has the job but refuses to show up for work. I’m giving myself the things I deserve and spending my time with people who are more worthy of it.

Ladies, when you love a man, love him hard and strong. But never love a man until you disappear. And ladies, and gentlemen alike, never settle for less than you deserve; you’ll always end up with less than what you settled for.

Love yourself. Celebrate yourself. Sing yourself.