Let’s talk about sex baby, let’s talk about you and me, let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that can be, let’s talk about sex.

Source: happyblackwoman.com

“Pause,” I’ve decided to take a break from the Georgia updates and talk about some things going on back home that have been on my mind lately.

Now, while I’m the first to admit that I’m no saint, really, I do believe in at least striving to maintain a life of purity and wholesomeness. I’m Christian and believe that, regardless of whether one falters while trying, it should be the aim of the adherents of this faith to revere sex as something special that should take place within the covenant of marriage. With that said, I’d like to also say that there’s a whole “lotta” more talking about sex that we need to be doing, especially in the church.

Far too often, scandals of extramarital affairs of clergy members and illicit sexual encounters with underaged youth are uncovered. If you’re Catholic, you’re cringing far too often at breaking news of yet another priest who’s taken shameful liberties with defenseless boys. And, if you’ve spent any substantial time working with or for a protestant church, then you’re well acquainted with your fair share of teenagers who join the ranks of parenthood and with fallen brothers and sisters who sullenly admit to congregations that they are infidels. But while the topic of sex still seems to be taboo in the pulpit and lots of Christian homes, there is obviously a whole “lotta” knocking boots going on.

What is it that makes us think that because we identify ourselves as Christians, or any other religious sectarians, that we cease to be sexual beings? What is it that makes us vilify the very notion of sex when the Bible paints a picture of a God who created everything and declared all of his creations good? Something as magnificent as sex, I imagine, would have to be created by a God that is certainly good. And while we walk around with our sanctimonious selves purporting to be above the yearnings and longings of base desires, we secretly harbor animalistic urges and fall prey to the enemy every time, doing in the dark what we pray never sees the light of day. But dear heart, in my Jill Scott voice, “comes to the light, comes to the light, EVERYTHING.” So while we outwardly don our sanctified suits and glory in our royal rights to robes of priesthood regalia and live above the world of sinful sex, inwardly our hearts are stained by the marshy swamps we traverse to get to the lairs of this world in the dark. And while we preach the gospel and place our thoughts only on heavenly things, leading our lives as epistles to be read of men, we molest little boys in our chambers, we bone other men’s wives, we get knocked up by cuties also in youth group, violate babies who only look like women, and seduce the husbands of the same sisters we’re in Bible study with. Wordlife, enough is enough. Let’s stop freaking in the dark and start having an open discourse about sex.

How powerful would it be if we began to talk to our children about how great sex can be? About how wonderfully vehement it is when shared between two people who love each other and are committed to each other for life. Can you imagine what good would come from children actually having their first conversations about sex with parents and role models rather than prepubescent peers? How totally gnarly would it be for Christian husbands to be able to share their sexual desires with loving and RECEPTIVE Christian wives who actually want to excitedly fulfill every one? And in the same vein, would it not totally rock if those wives were actually honest about the things that satisfy them sexually and provided the transparency necessary to share true ecstatical moments with their husbands? What if we stopped treating sex like this ungodly thing that should not be discussed but rather pulled the covers off of it and talked about its deliciousness when experienced within the proper framework? The God with whom I’ve been building a relationship over the years seldom seems to operate in darkness. In fact, he shows up and darkness is dispelled. It seems that darkness is often the enemy’s domain. So how is it we expect to keep sex hidden away in some deep dark hole and live in Christian bubbles without inherently cultivating sexually repressed men and women who go on to have horrid sexual indiscretions?

God created sex and he doesn’t seem to be on the hush hush about it. In Genesis, he admonishes Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply and to replenish the earth. Come on, we’re adults. There is no translation needed, he’s talking about sex (between husband and wife of course). Now as I value true literature to the utmost, a girl like me steers clear of all pop erotica mumbo jumbo trash, yet even I know that the most beautifully erotic text that exists is the Song of Solomon found in the Bible itself, and the Old Testament at that, hmph. Now you Bible scholars who believe that God gave the inspiration for all scripture must also believe that God therefore has no problem talking about sex. The sacred text begins with a damsel inflamed with passion for her lover: “let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth for thy love is better than wine,” she says. She warms up and proclaims “ a bundle of myrrh is my well beloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts.” Now you can pick up your good book and read passage after passage in the Song of Songs and quickly realize “it don’t take a rocket scientist” to figure out they are talking about doing the things that lovers do. Now please beg my pardon; we can have a full out erotic account in the holy book, but can’t talk about sex from the pulpits of our churches nor on the sofas in our Christian homes?

Maybe it’s time we totally change the way we handle sex. Maybe we stop preaching to kids all the time about it being something they can’t do, but rather make them excited about how darn good it is when they wait to do it the right way. And I don’t mean watered down, censored good; I mean Song of Solomon, “the roof of thy mouth [is] like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak” good. Maybe when we’re having those conversations about what makes a good and godly marriage, like we so often like to have in church, we break up some of the monotony of the submission thesis and talk about the importance of good sex. *Kanye shrug* I think husbands would be appreciative.

All I’m saying is that we are sexual beings. It is the way we were created and there is nothing about that that is shameful. Those of you who are holier than thou who don’t have at least a fleeting sexual thought deceive yourselves. So since sex is in the very fabric of our being, why aren’t we talking about it more? We should be having conversations about sex far more often, and normal ones—not the fornicators will have their part in the lake that burns with fire ones only, or else we just might find ourselves numbered with those of whom we speak.

Maybe, just maybe, if we were creating avenues to talk openly about sex and our struggles with it, we would see way less brothers and sisters fall victim to its ardent lures. Let’s talk about it baby. Let’s bring sex to the light. Perhaps if we walk in the light, we’d grant ourselves less opportunities to be caught with our pants down while lying in the dark.

For Real,
She

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